Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
