When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
