Swine flu is the new snow day.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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