We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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