you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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