I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
