apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
