we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
