woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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