she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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