the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
OPIZZABONMYDICK
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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