kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
