I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
