Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize