Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
