There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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