Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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