he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
