You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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