I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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