Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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