I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So many bounce houses so little time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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