I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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