Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she pinky promised me she was 18
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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