Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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