if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
