My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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