cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
