i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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