i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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