my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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