wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize