i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
