oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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