I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
