I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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