Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
