Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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