Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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