your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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