and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
