also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
