yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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