Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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