am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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