She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
