you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
