Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The air taste purple.
Randomize
