Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
