Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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