what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Panties = found
Randomize
