Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
