Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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