We're facebook friends in real life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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