the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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