If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
how does that bad decision feel?
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