Where did you get a picture of my penis
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
