your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
