Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
