Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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