i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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