We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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