omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
