She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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