Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
