You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
